I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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