I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
