I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
