I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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