WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
