so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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