your parents love me but you hate me
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
