Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
