she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
