so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
