you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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