She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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