you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dear god my vagina.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
