he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
