Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
