Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
