well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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