So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
