Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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