I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
