we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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