What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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