Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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