So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
