Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
