you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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