I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
