They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
