BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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