Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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