Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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