found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
