Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
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