Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
