you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
