My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
