I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
