Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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