lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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