Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
