I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
