Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
