do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
either way he was missing a nipple.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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