so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
