Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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