is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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