Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
