Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We had sex on a dog bed..
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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