she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
