I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She's the barista slut.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
