After last night, I could never be a politician.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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